


Demons of the Past

by Auriana Valoria (AuriV1)



Series: The Lady Herald and Her Lion [2]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Dragon Age Quest: Champions of the Just, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Feels, Post-Champions of the Just, Pre-Relationship, Therinfal Redoubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-29
Updated: 2017-06-29
Packaged: 2018-11-20 18:21:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11340843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AuriV1/pseuds/Auriana%20Valoria
Summary: Well after the events at Therinfal Redoubt, the newly-crowned Inquisitor Trevelyan is yet haunted by Envy's words. She needs to talk. But to who?





	Demons of the Past

_“Tell me what you_ think _…Tell me what you_ feel _…”_

Even now, at least two weeks after the events at Therinfal Redoubt, those venomous words still echoed in her mind, causing the hairs to rise on the back of her neck.

She would have thought the attack on Haven would have affected her more, and it _did_ affect her deeply – the blood-curdling screams of the dying, the gaping and putrid maw of the dragon, the twisted face of Corypheus…all still haunting her dreams at night.

But Envy’s words haunted her during the day.

She had said nothing to anyone about it all; indeed, she barely had time to come to terms with what had occurred at the Templar stronghold herself, and perhaps that was part of the problem. From the moment she set foot back in Haven after the long ride through Ferelden to the time they arrived at Skyhold, she scarcely had time to breathe, much less think. Things were happening so quickly that she struggled to keep up, her mind a constant whir with the concoction of plans and the fulfilment of requests. Only now, after settling in to the dilapidated fortress to which Solas had conveniently led the Inquisition’s tattered remnants, was she actually able to stop and contemplate past events.

And Therinfal was consuming everything, suppressible no longer, rising to the forefront of her mind like a looming, monstrous shadow.

“…should be made soon. Inquisitor?”

Verana blinked. Josephine was looking at her expectantly, expression shifting from one of casual inquisitiveness to one of concern. Before the diplomat could ask anything, however, Verana quickly replied, “Right, banners. Templar colors, of course. If we’re allied with them, we need to show that we are, and it needs to be where our guests can see it.”

Josephine’s brows rose, and then she dipped her quill in her inkwell to make a few notes, her graceful scratching on parchment accompanied by an affirmative nod, “A bold declaration of your alliance, then. And a thought-provoking one, coming from a mage. Perhaps it will help reassure the masses that you do not wish to use magic to dominate the populace.”

Verana smirked, “There are those who yet believe a mage cannot possibly be the Herald of Andraste. I’m certain that there will also be ones who remain unconvinced of my sincerity to use magic to serve man, not rule him, even if I draped my throne with the banners of the Chantry itself.”

Josephine chuckled, “You have a point, Lady Trevelyan.” Glancing up at the tall ceiling of the main hall and then back down to the Inquisitor, the ambassador added, “I _would_ ask you about the drapery, but, if you will forgive me for saying so, it seems you are a bit preoccupied at the moment. A great deal must be on your mind. I must apologize; handling the décor of the fortress can wait until you feel more inclined to discuss such things.”

“Oh,” Verana’s expression was one of slight surprise, as she had not intended for her brief lapse into introspection to show, “I’m sorry, Josephine. I just-”

“No, no,” the ambassador smiled gently, “I’m afraid I have slipped into the same trap that many of us have fallen into: seeing you as…more than human. The way you carry yourself, it is easy to forget that you are just as easily burdened as the rest of us. Since there are no other pressing matters at the moment, perhaps you should take some time for yourself, Your Worship…a walk outside in the crisp cold might do wonders for you. In the meantime, I can write up a list of options for decorations to be sent to your quarters and read at your leisure.”

Verana sighed, rubbing her temples with the thumb and index finger of her Anchor hand, “That…would be appreciated, Ambassador.”

Josephine nodded, scratching a few more notes, “Of course, Inquisitor. You know where to find me if you need me.”

With that, the Antivan gave a slight bow and swept towards the side hall with her usual poise, her gold-embellished outfit vanishing behind the large oak door she let fall softly closed behind her.

Perhaps Josephine was right. Perhaps a walk in the fresh mountain air would do her some good. Sighing again, more forcefully this time, Verana tried to push the dark thoughts of Therinfal to the back of her mind as she strode towards the open doors of the main hall. The light from outdoors was bright, and as she approached, it bounced off of the silver embellishments of her outfit and caused them to glitter like diamonds scattered across her shoulders. Looking down and straightening her top, the Inquisitor shook her head as a small smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. Black leather, black lace accents, and silver studs in swirling floral patterns – Vivienne’s idea, Josephine’s execution.

The shipment of clothing had arrived from Val Royeaux only three days ago, and Verana had felt pressured to wear at least _something_ from the overly extravagant wardrobe to show appreciation for their generosity…and fashion sense. The outfit was skin-tight, crafted from supple nugskin and lined with a layer of quilting to hold in warmth, a shield against the piercing winds of the Frostbacks. With its singular color, it both matched the raven-black waves that spilled around her shoulders and highlighted her striking blue-violet eyes and fair skin.

It also emphasized her hourglass figure rather nicely.

She had to admit, she did not mind being a model for Vivienne and Josephine’s fashion whims. It kept her from having to think about what to wear all the time and gave them something entertaining to do. It also offered her a legitimate way to experiment with designs she might not have otherwise found herself wearing, and despite her practical sensibilities, she had a slight weakness for fashionable attire.

As she made her way down the stairs of the keep and past the tavern, the sunlight gradually soaking into and warming the leather on her back and arms, she noticed that something was missing from the courtyard, and she frowned as she tried to think of what it was.

And then it hit her. Cullen’s table was gone.

The commander himself leaned against the wall of the stairs near where the table should have been, arms crossed atop his breastplate as he watched workers haul his equipment away. Curious, Verana descended the stairs to the grassy courtyard and slowly made her way towards him. Walking past the makeshift infirmary camp, she waved to catch his attention. Once he looked up and saw her approach, he immediately pushed himself off the wall and pulled his hands behind his back, inclining his head to her in polite greeting, “Inquisitor? Is there something you wish to discuss?”

“Not exactly,” Verana glanced towards the workers, “I merely saw your table missing and wondered if you’ve got an established quarters now.”

He pointed with one dark-gloved finger, and she followed it to the leftmost watchtower, “Work was just finished this morning. The architect has confirmed that everything is stable, so that is where you will find me from now on.”

Verana returned her gaze to him and smiled, “Excellent. It’s about time they got you out of the cold, I was beginning to wonder.”

He chuckled lightly, absentmindedly rubbing the back of his neck with one hand, “Construction is slow, my lady, but steady. This place has been through much, and it is taking a while for the engineers to confirm that areas are safe enough for the Inquisition to utilize.”

“Of course,” she nodded in understanding, but even before he had finished his statement, her thoughts had already begun to wander. With his presence had resurfaced memories of his Envy-possessed simulacrum in her mind at Therinfal, and just remembering his face contorted with demonic hatred and jealousy made her heart twist into a knot…

His brow furrowed, and he cocked his head sideways at her, concern writ on his countenance, “Inquisitor? Is something troubling you?”

His amber stare broke her out of her reverie, and she felt heat rising in her cheeks, “I…ah…” she cleared her throat, and then suddenly thought that perhaps this was her chance to get rid of those bad memories. Maybe he was the one she should share it all with. He was, after all, a Templar, at least in the recent past. Surely he would understand?

“Actually, Commander, yes. You asked earlier if there was something I wanted to discuss and…I think I do.” She looked away to watch the refugees trickling in through the portcullis across from them, “I had come out here to get some fresh air in hopes it would clear my head, but apparently it’s not enough.”

When she looked back at him, his face seemed to shift through several mixed expressions before he replied with a soft smile, “Well, I must tell you that I am no counselor, but if you need a sympathetic ear, I am more than willing to listen.” He gestured to the battlements, “If you like?”

Verana nodded, and the two began to walk slowly towards the rampart stairs. It was in silence for a few moments before she began, “It’s…about Therinfal, really. I’m sure Ser Barris told you about what transpired there.”

He rested his hands atop his sword’s pommel and replied without looking at her, “Yes, he did. An Envy demon took the Lord Seeker, as I understand it.”

She sighed, “It did. But before the Templars and I faced it down in battle, it…had a fine time with me in my head. It’s _that_ part I can’t shake. Even after Corypheus and Haven…it’s still with me.”

A shadow seemed to pass across his face, and he was quiet for a few moments as they ascended the stairs and emerged on the battlements, looking over the ravine and Skyhold’s bridge. The wind playfully ruffled the fur collar about his shoulders before he finally said quietly, “I…have been in a similar situation, myself, so…I can empathize.”

Verana leaned against the crenellations with both hands, staring at the white expanse of snow below, “Envy tried to possess me. In just a few seconds’ time before we entered Therinfal’s keep, I was fighting in my own mind for control of my body. That’s when Cole helped me, and without him…”

She shook her head, closing her eyes, “What Envy showed me…it disturbed and disgusted me, and most of all it frightened me. It took all of my strength to keep it hidden…and yet that did not stop it from learning more and more about me. It delighted in my frustrations and pain, emotions that a controlled and yet I _know_ it saw.”

She turned and walked along the wall, running her hands through her hair as she tried to keep the emotions she was reliving from making her voice tremble. When she turned back, she saw Cullen following at a respectful distance, leaning sideways on the crenellations when she stopped.

“It used _you_ ,” she said, violet eyes meeting amber.

Surprise swept across his face, “Me?”

She nodded in affirmation, “You…and Leliana and Josephine. It was…” she shook her head again, taking in a hissing breath, “ _terrible_. Awful.” She couldn’t raise her gaze to his as she barreled on, “The Lord Seeker…or, rather, Envy in his body…it pulled me into my own head and I saw nothing but white for several seconds. And then when I could see again, it was like the ruins of Therinfal but in the Fade. There were burning corpses, charred bodies with mouths open in silent screams,” she squeezed her eyes shut as she remembered, walking him through what she had seen in that nightmare, “I walked past them, through this sick green haze, and then I saw you…and Josephine. And then there was Leliana, coming out of the shadows. Envy spoke through her, demanded to know me, and when I would not voluntarily give up anything,” she took a deep breath, “she seized you and slit your throat right in front of me.”

Had she opened her eyes, she would have seen him reflexively lift a hand to his neck, but instead, she kept going, “And then it took Josephine’s form, taunting me with the rise of Corypheus and its plans for me once it had possessed me. When that did not elicit an appropriate reaction, it then took _your_ body and…”

Her eyes opened but she did not see him. Instead, she was seeing _past_ him, into her memories, communicating them as they rose before her like eerie ghosts, “I saw you stab a twisted reflection of myself through the back, light the war table afire… _‘Tell me what you_ think _!’_ I saw and heard you say. _‘Tell me what you_ feel _! Tell me what you_ see _!’_ It demanded these things with _your_ voice and…Cullen, _I was afraid_. I was afraid I would do just what it wanted…that I would lose the fight…lose myself forever…”

She leaned against the crenellations again and found that her limbs were shaking, but she forced herself to go on, not even stopping to read the expression that had settled on his countenance as he listened intently to her recollection, “And then, before Cole found me, Envy showed me what would happen when it finally took me…what it would do with the Inquisition. What the world would become. _Damn it_ , Cullen!” she finally looked at him, her violet eyes dark with emotion as she pounded a fist against the stone, “If anything makes me afraid of leading the Inquisition, it’s the thought that something might use _me_ as a tool to destroy everything we’ve built…and everything I hold dear.”

He was silent, watching her with an intense gaze for the longest time, and she thought that his fiery eyes would set her soul aflame if he looked any harder. At last, though, he pushed himself off the wall and glanced off into the distance, thumbs hooked into his belt, before he finally replied, “Inquisitor, you succeeded where the Lord Seeker did not. Cole’s assistance or not, you did not allow Envy to corrupt you, and that speaks volumes of your strength of will. If you were strong enough keep Envy at bay, then I think you are more than strong enough to hold off anything else that might try to possess you in the future.”

Verana saw him swallow hard, and he briefly closed his eyes before adding, “I know of the tortures of demons, however, and I understand your fear. I know what it is like to suffer those memories…those nightmares…and you have my most sincere sympathies. Sharing your experiences does help,” he returned his gaze to her and continued with sincerity in his tone, “but it will not erase them from your mind. Only time can do that.” He paused, and then added, “I just…trust you know that whatever Envy showed you, that is not me.”

Verana found such gentleness in his eyes that she was momentarily rendered speechless, unable tear her own gaze away from his…

…but then he blinked and added, as if it were impolite to forget to include her title as punctuation, “Er… _Inquisitor_.”

She looked down at her boots and smiled slightly before looking back up at him, “You know you don’t have to use that title all the time. Any of you, for that matter. It’s making me forget I have a name.”

His lips tugged into his usual smirk, “As far as I remember, it is certainly shorter than your name is.” He thought a moment and then added, “It _is_ Verana-Kathryn, isn’t it?”

She chuckled and nodded, “Yes. You can thank my mother for that mandatory mouthful. She was determined that if she was going to spend all that time picking out a middle name, under no circumstances would it go unnoticed…and so she tacked it onto my first so no one could miss it.”

“You must have nicknames, though,” Cullen propped himself on the wall again and casually crossed one leg over the other.

She grinned, “Oh, yes. ‘Verana-Kathryn’ is only ever used in full by either my parents or total strangers. My sister took to calling me ‘Vera-Kate.’ Younger relatives call me ‘Katie.’ Usually, it’s just shortened to ‘Verana,’ though, which is fine by me. Personally, I hate just ‘Vera,’ but anything else works,” she shrugged.

Cullen’s smile widened, “I shall have to remember that, then.”

That smile made her cheeks burn, but before she could say anything to try to ease the awkwardness she felt inside, he continued, “Well, then... _Verana_. For what it’s worth, I am sorry for what you had to endure at Therinfal…for what I _know_ you still endure because of it. Words do little to ease pain, but if ever you need to talk to me again, about the past…or the future…you know where to find me.”

Surely her cheeks were on fire now, “Thank you, Commander.”

He inclined his head and turned away, walking back towards the battlement stairs, his armor clinking lightly with every step. But before he reached the corner, he turned back and asked over his shoulder, “And Verana?”

She smiled at him and gave him a curious look, “Yes?”

“I will have some free time later this afternoon…if you would care for a chess match or two?”

Her smile widened, and she nodded, “I would very much like that indeed, Commander.”

He nodded back, “Then I will send a messenger. Until then, good day, Inquisitor.”

After he descended the stairs, she stood there, watching him as he crossed the courtyard until he disappeared into Skyhold’s keep, and once he had vanished within, she sank against the battlements with a sigh.

The walk had done wonders, indeed.


End file.
